Death Wish Coffee Review - As Told By A Caffine Senstive Soul

In case you’ve been pulling a Patrick Star and living under a rock for the last few years, Death Wish Coffee, which launched in 2012, bills itself as the world’s strongest coffee. It has around 4x the amount of caffeine in normal coffee. That's 4x more Monday crushing, soul rejuvenating life nectar to help you be productive (or talk about Game of Thrones theories more) at work. We tried some of the canned Nitro Cold Brew Death Wish Coffee to review, and it turned us into mostly awesome people.

I’m a caffeine sensitive individual, if I drink a cup of coffee, I get a big caffeine buzz quickly followed by a jittery crash reminiscent of the Hindenburg. So when we decided to review Death Wish Coffee for a blog, I was worried that I’d never sleep again and therefore never dream about dating Gal Gadot. But, I’m nothing if not a team player, and by that I mean I’ll do literally anything to impress anyone.

And although the warning from Death Wish Coffee was a little daunting...

"People who are sensitive to caffeine or who are unaware of their caffeine tolerance shouldn't use Death Wish Coffee."

I decided to channel my inner Denim Danger and just "sent it" into my stomach.

As you might have guessed by my presence on this blog, I survived drinking Death Wish, and it was a terrific, dare I say groundbreaking coffee experience (pun intended). It gave me a killer buzz without the debilitating crash. Here is my analysis of the taste followed by the Theintern Log, my real-time notes from the day I drank it including the caffeine induced tom-foolery.

Color

So this is going to be the most boring part of the review because well, it looked just like coffee. In fairness, I forgot to shake it, so I probably didn’t get the full nitro brew effect. Sorry to start out on such a disappointing note, but if I did everything right on the first try I wouldn't be an intern anymore...or at least that's what my mother tells me.

Nose (A Fancy Way To Say Smell)

Despite the countless concerned stares and quiet whispers from co-workers watching me smell my coffee like a wine sommelier, I decided the smell was nice. It had a rich, full bodied scent that blew normal drip coffee out of the water, which smells & tastes like Forrest Gump's date at Lieutenant Dan’s New Year’s Eve party.

Taste

Simply put, it tasted really good. I was expecting something over the top because of the caffeine ratio, like burning a drink with too much vodka. However, it was very balanced without a noticeable caffeine flavor. Come to think of it, does caffeine have a flavor? I have no idea. Anyways, it tasted like a better version of coffee with subtle hints of chocolate and a fleeting fruity note. Usually, when people describe things as “earthy” I assume that means it tastes like dirt, but this had a nice earthy quality that tied the whole thing together. A+ flavor in my book, as far as coffee goes anyways.

Now for the effects. Here’s the Theintern Log with real-time notes from when I drank it:

Theintern Log - 25 minutes post 1/2 cup Death Wish Coffee consumption:

As I sit and do my normal intern activities, like pretending to work while distributing my new mixtape on the dark web, I’m beginning to feel a glowing warmth spread through my extremities. My perfectly groomed head feels 45% lighter. I took a typing speed test before I drank Death Wish, and my typing speed has already gone up 4 WPM.

If I had more to do I'd be a productivity machine, but I'm just starting to talk a lot with no regard for other people's time. Thankfully, I’m writing these notes in case I don't make it out alive. I just spent 15 minutes talking to a co-worker about why Randy Orton’s RKO is the best wrestling move of all time, and he probably wants to put a cobra in my desk drawer. At this point, I worry what the next 20 minutes will bring.

45 Minutes In:

You know that alternate dimension Frodo enters when he puts on the ring? Yeah, I’m in that right now, minus the invisibility. If anything I'm more visible than ever. Sure my limbs are a bit tingly when I move, but I’m walking tall and riding a killer buzz at work, not something usually endorsed by management. I’m pouring myself another 1/4 cup, because if a little is good, more must be better, right? Right??

Side note: Coffee usually makes my stomach hurt from the acid, but I feel fantastic. It turns out this is a low-acid coffee, two thumbs way up from me.

1 Hour In - total of 3/4 cups consumed:

Oh boy - I started lip synching rap songs at my desk and realized I didn’t even have music playing in my headphones. Those are the vibes I’m currently sending out to the world.

Currently considering going out to my car so I can sing out loud because damn it, I feel good! Here’s a live look at the female version of myself right now:

1 Hour 30 Minutes In:

As I walk around the office, this song plays in my head, how could today get any better?

With this tune in my head, I spent 30 minutes walking around throwing out high fives like parade candy to random employees, and it's really improving my social status around here. I even got Karen in accounting to laugh after our meeting to discuss some questionable card charges I'm trying to expense. I dropped this genius joke on her stolen from Parks & Rec and turned the meeting from a disaster to a disaster with a laugh at the end.

2 Hours In:

I'm preparing for the worst as the shakes start to set in. This is usually where my coffee experience takes a turn for the worst. Send Help.

Hold on...I'm not really crashing, more like falling, with style. Where Death Wish coffee is holding me up in its strong muscly arms, and I’m dressed as a cowboy who skips leg day:

I rode this buzz nicely down into the mid-afternoon without feeling sick, jittery, or just generally terrible. This is the most surprising part of this whole experiment.

Recap

Overall, I must admit, I’m impressed. The flavor was good, it didn’t make me feel like garbage, and I rode a pretty terrific buzz down without the jitters or crash. I was definitely not expecting such a smooth ride down. While I won’t be drinking this every day, I could see it coming in handy on those days you stayed out till 3 am the night before because you forgot it was a weekday. We’ve all been there. It’ll perk you up, without letting you crash down.


Deathwish Coffee is worth the hype. Pick some up here, but don’t be dumb and drink a whole pot of it, I won’t be held responsible for your ridiculous behavior. Have you tried Death Wish already? Comment below with your experience.

Peace & Blessin's

Josh Theintern